2 thoughts to revisit on Valentine's Day
Although the title suggests thoughts for this special day, these tips can be applied on a daily basis outside of V day for committed relationships. You might think, "What does Isaac even know about relationships, and why should I listen to him?" Well, I've been in only a couple of relationships in my short 23 years of my life, but I've also been married for about 5 months now. So, maybe I know a thing or two about relationships.
1. Feelings of love isn't everything
Yikes! All this time, you might have thought that love is the beginning and the end, the alpha and the omega, the deal breaker for relationships. Maybe we know this in our heads, but our constant search for the feelings of love might suggest otherwise.
From my experience, love needs to be tied with respect and responsibility for a fulfilling and worthwhile relationship. Believe or not, there will be days when the last person you want to see is your partner (in my case would be to make a phone call since we're long distance still). Surely, in these moments, feelings of love will be the last thing that'll show up on our radar. So, do we just break up? No, and this is where respect and responsibility would come into play.
To illustrate a clearer picture, let's imagine a scenario, where one of your closest friends is being extremely obnoxious after having had one too many drinks. Do we just leave them on the streets? Although you might have the urge to just leave them (don't lie), you don't because you have a sense of respect and thereby you feel responsible for your friend's well-being.
Yes, this is an overly simplified scenario to portray romantic relationships, but my point still applies. Having a sense of respect and responsibility is essential to not only get through the rough tides but also grow the relationship even through the bleakest times. So, if you feel that your significant other does not respect you or doesn't feel that they're also responsible for the growth of your relationship, maybe it's time for a serious conversation with them.
2. He/she is not responsible for your happiness
Relationships, especially in the first few months, make us feel some type of way. That being the case, we have certain thoughts along the lines of "He/she makes me so happy" or "My day lights up because of him/her". I'm not saying these are silly thoughts, but we have to be cautious about how we phrase things, so we don't convince ourselves that our partner is the ultimate and sole source of attaining joy and happiness.
One of the most valuable lessons I learned recently from people like Tony Robbins is that happiness is indeed a choice we make. Yes, some of us are in circumstances that sound like complete bullshit. I've been there, too. But the truth still stands.
Take, for example; we total our car in the middle of rush hour on our way home after a long day of typing out bullshit that our boss wanted us to do. They don't bother to explain the reason for the work. We come home exhausted, and a part of us yearns for consolation and perhaps even full recovery from the debacle all completely performed by our partner. In my opinion, that doesn't sound fair at all.
Your partner is not responsible for your happiness. Period. They can be a source. They can help you attain that feeling. But in the end, it was the choice you made. How we react to all the unexpected situations that come up in our lives is completely under our control and responsibility. I'm not saying we should be happy 24/7; this is impractical. But, the conversations we have in our own heads regarding our expectations from our partners in regards to our search for happiness might need a bit of tweaking.
Happy Valentine's Day. Hopefully, my thoughts help you have a better V-day.